if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
