do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
