Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
