Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
