She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Walk of Shame today included voting.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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