The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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