saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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