so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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