I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
