Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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