my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
