All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
