He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
the liver wants what the liver wants
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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