if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
