So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
