I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
