My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
