i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
