Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
