Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
