i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
