Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
