i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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