She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
