what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
