How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
