i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize