Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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