he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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