Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
