I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
