I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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