uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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