im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
