I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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