Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
