'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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