you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
