Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
