Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
