Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
