that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize