so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
