Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
