her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
