Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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