my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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