It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
