You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
