Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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