she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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