This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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