i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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