so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I believe in your delicious
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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