I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
ttyl tear gas
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
