your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
