If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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