Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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