i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
