I seem to have left my pride at pride
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
