Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
