Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
