So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
