Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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