I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
someone owes me an orgasm
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
