I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Boobs are out for the taking
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
