How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
