Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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