everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
