I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
