At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
sarcasm needs its own font
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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