I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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