one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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