I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
