Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
