idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize