dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
