There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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