I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
