Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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