I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
