Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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