sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
