How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
