im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize