She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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