Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize