i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
