I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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