we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize