Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
