how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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