hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
