I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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