We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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