i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
