It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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