The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
