you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
