Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
