You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
