I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
