I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
