I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
