i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
